i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize