You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
