dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
