i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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