Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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