Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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