Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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