I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
