the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
