heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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