I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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