yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
