Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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