ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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