It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
