i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
