I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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