im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
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But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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