farters have to be the big spoon...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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