i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
