Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
