PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
