I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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