Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
