She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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