She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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