Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
