I met the friendliest cop last night
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
