I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
