you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
