dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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