I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
