I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
