So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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