like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
