I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
