does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
