does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize