Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
