i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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