dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
