The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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