is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
