Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
