I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
