Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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