I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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