i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
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She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
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True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.