i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
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Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.