thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.