I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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