This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
