I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
