got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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