what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
