I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
