so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
